Last updated Jan. 4, 2022

BDSM Aftercare

Did you think BDSM is all about pain and intense orgasms? Oh, not you too! When you talk about what makes a good dom, the dom's level of aftercare ranks top on our list. Due to the intensity associated with a BDSM scene, everyone involved deserves aftercare. But most of all, the sub, because they receive the most extreme ends of pain and pleasure.

Stay with us as we break down BDSM aftercare and teach you the right way to go about it.

Table of Contents

What is BDSM aftercare?

Aftercare means taking care of your partner after sex. Now, BDSM aftercare is attention and care given to one’s partner to help them recover from the high of a BDSM scene. Although every party is involved in a BDSM scene, aftercare usually falls to the dom because the sub is mostly weak and exhausted from receiving all that power play. In some BDSM relationships, aftercare is often overlooked, and everyone is left to take care of themselves after sex. However, a caring dom understands that sexual aftercare is vital, as it can change the BDSM dynamics between a kinky couple.

Types of aftercare

Since sexual kinks are so vast, BDSM aftercare means different things to different people. However, we classify aftercare in two categories: the physical and the emotional.

Physical Aftercare

This, as you know, involves a lot of touching after bondage rough sex. Here, you can help your sub take off the BDSM gear, including the blindfolds, restraints, harness, etc. Then, soothe the sore spots if they want you to.

You can even go the extra mile and set up a massage or run a bath for your lovely sub and make them feel better after an intense BDSM session. And that, my friend, is how to show BDSM love.

Emotional Aftercare

Emotional care typically comes after the physical. Because we can’t dissect emotions while your poor sub is still blindfolded, can we? In emotional aftercare, all the quiet thoughts are let out of the dark as dom and sub discuss the just concluded BDSM scene.

The after-sex talk allows both dom and sub to discuss what they enjoyed openly; the sub receives praise and share what they liked or didn’t. This part of aftercare is necessary, as it will determine your BDSM dynamics going forward.

Importance of BDSM Aftercare

Still in doubt of the wonders of BDSM aftercare? Here are the top reasons you should always practice sexual aftercare, regardless of the levels of BDSM you and your partner enjoy.

BDSM aftercare facilitates the transfer from a kinky relationship to a normal, loving one.
It makes partners feel loved and cared for.
It heightens intimacy.
BDSM aftercare helps reduce the impact of BDSM drop after an intense session.
It’s also a great post-coital dysphoria treatment.

How to provide great BDSM aftercare?

There are no rules to providing/receiving aftercare; all we ask is that you pay attention to your partner’s feelings. Here are some of our top tips for dom-sub aftercare.

Negotiate: For some people, sexual aftercare involves much touching, while some prefer to be left alone while working through their feelings. Discuss what BDSM aftercare means to both (or more) of you. Get clear on what you’d like your partner to do for you, and vice versa.
Let Them Loose: At this point, you’ve both had a great BDSM scene, and it’s time to get back to reality. Help your sub out of the cage, harness, or blindfold. They might be sore, so gently take out the anal plugs and sex toys you’ve so sweetly tormented them with in the past hour(s).
Apply First-Aid: A first-aid pack is a must-have in your BDSM aftercare kit. Clean and apply soothing ointment on bruises, rub an ice pack on any swelling. You can also give your lover a massage to smooth out tightened muscles.
Low-Impact Consensual Cuddling: If your partner likes to be cuddled after sex, then go for it. Have them lie on the side that doesn’t hurt while you hold them and relish the wonderful experience you just had. You’ll find that the comfortable silence after sex is so intimate and an avenue for each of you to work through your feelings.
Just Talk: Asking your sub how they felt while under your control is a revealing process. You get to find out things you did wrong or right, know what not to repeat, etc. It goes the same way for the subs as well. Talking after sex is therapeutic, fun, and an essential step in BDSM aftercare.
Replenishment: It’s time to recover all you have lost! Get your lover some water, please! Provide food and beverage, also ask them if they’d like to sleep. You do the same for yourself, allow your body to recover, and you’ll wake up feeling refreshed.

BDSM aftercare is one of the BDSM rituals you should never ignore. According to sex therapist Kim Atwood, when you practice aftercare, ‘it shows you aren’t taking each other for granted.’ We hope you love this article as much as we do. If yes, check out our sex toy reviews for vibrators that can function as massagers during BDSM aftercare. We’re waiting for you.

FAQ

What is aftercare in BDSM?

Aftercare in BDSM simply means taking care of your partner after a BDSM session. There are many forms of sexual aftercare, and the one you provide depends on the type of sex you had and with whom you had it.

Does aftercare keep you from crashing after BDSM?

The crashing or sub drop that follows after BDSM may occur with or without aftercare. According to Fousa, the primary purpose of BDSM aftercare is to 'cushion the sub drop and make your partner feel good, even when the high has faded.

Why is BDSM aftercare so important?

BDSM aftercare is important because it sends a message to your partner that says, ‘I care about you and your feelings.’ What feels better than being loved and taken care of? Nothing.

How to do good BDSM aftercare?

Giving good BDSM aftercare depends on what type of BDSM you explored and what your partner likes. Some ways of providing great aftercare are; helping them out of the restraints, cuddling, and intimate discussions, among others.

Alex Comfort

Author of the article