If you are familiar with BDSM movies like 50 shades of grey, you should have heard about safe words. In the movie, Christian grey told Anna she could use "yellow" when she felt concerned about the sexual activities and "red" when she needed him to stop. That may have gotten you thinking those are the only safe words accepted in a BDSM relationship. However, that is not true.
Dominant and submissive partners in a BDSM relationship create safe words. You can choose any word as long as your partner agrees to it. Are you having problems picking safe words? Do not worry! We have compiled a list of safe word ideas for you.
And for you with little or no knowledge about BDSM, we have put together a little background info so you can be carried along too.
Have fun reading this article!
What is BDSM and how does it work?
BDSM refers to certain sexual relationships that are different from conventional ones. It means; Bondage and discipline, Dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. The general description of the above groups is the presence of a strong and weak person.
The partners' character in BDSM relationships does not usually mean they are like that outside the room. Anna, in the fifty shades of Grey movie, was the submissive partner. However, outside Christian Grey's red room, you will discover that she is quick-witted and has a will of her own.
That means BDSM is a fetish. The partners involved become sexually excited when they are in their dominant and submissive roles. The relationships do not always involve sexual intercourse. For example, a dominant in a BDSM relationship may find it satisfying to watch their submissive partners subdued even without coital penetration.
BDSM usually involves the use of sex toys, and this helps to make it interesting. Sex toys like kegel balls, vibrators, dildos, and vibrating panties can make the sexual acts in the relationship very exciting, and more rewarding for both partners.
Some BDSM acts, however, may be extremely dangerous and put partners at risk. It may be tough for the dominant sides to recognize that their partners do not want to continue with the act. That is why safe words serve as regulators in BDSM relationships.
Safe word meaning and usage
Bdsm safe words are used to regulate acts in the relationship of dominants and submissives. They are code words for awkward situations in the BDSM setting. They are mostly used by a person in the submissive position to notify the dominant that the act is uncomfortable or needs to stop. BDSM words are also used by the dominant to reset.
Common safe words include traffic lights; red, yellow, and green, fruits like pineapple, and bananas.
Safe words can be used in any of the following situations:
- When you can no longer endure the pain and you need it to stop.
- When you are worried about some sexual acts.
- When an act pushes you to the edge and you need a break.
- If you need to scratch an itch and your hands are restricted.
- If you need to stop the act completely because you feel uncomfortable.
- If as a dominant, you begin to lose control and may go beyond your act or harm your partner.
- When you feel panic during the acts.
- When you are not comfortable with the use of some objects like sex toys and horsewhips.
How to choose safe words
There are no restrictions in creating safe words. However, picking good code words for couples requires you to consider some factors. Here are some tips for selecting code words for sex;
- Pick a word that you and your partner can easily remember.
- If you don't like to talk during sex, your safe words may not be actual words. You can decide on a sign with your partner instead. Snapping your fingers, tapping the bed or your partner will suffice.
- It is good to use relatable words. Don't get carried away with creating unique sexual safe words and forget the basic thing. Imagine using "No" as a signal to continue, especially when you and your partner are just getting used to the safe words. Your partner may interpret it to be the actual "No."
- Use words that at not related to sex so the message can be understood.
A list of safe words for couples
Safe words can be anything from fruits to country names. Here's a list of safe words that you can use from different categories;
- Fruits: Pineapple, Banana, Apple, orange, avocado, and peach are some of the most common safe words to use during sexual activities.
- Traffic lights: The traffic light colors are used to express their literal meanings. Red means stop. You can use Red to signify that you want the activity to end. Yellow means hold on. You can use yellow to show that you are not sure about the current act. Green means go. You can use green to tell your partner to keep the act going.
- Movies, events, and cartoons: You can pick safe words from your favorite shows, movies, and cartoons. Popular safe words in this category include mike pence, Hogwarts, Malfoy, Wizards, Scooby-Doo, and Peter Pan.
- States, countries, places, and historical structures: You may decide to use country names as sexual code words. Words like Ohio, Eiffel tower, Oklahoma, East Bay are in this category.
Safe words can also be random. Rubber duck, Playstation, frostbite, Donald trump, flower pot, lily pad, mopping stick, and so many others can fit in as safe words if your partner agrees to it.
Deriving sexual code words can be very exciting especially when you do it with your partner. However, you can choose from the safe words examples above if you need help with selecting good safewords.
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